Who is that woman that ate Mama J?

Somewhere along the lines I got signed up for Parenting (the early years) magazine. It isn't one of those magazines I am excited to receive (like Entertainment Weekly or the New Yorker) so I don't read it right away when it comes to our house. Damn do I wish I read this latest issue sooner.

Amongst the ads filled with beautiful babies and models posing as new moms I found an article entitled "Feel Better Naked." I thought maybe they would have some sort of newly discovered weight loss secret (I am always looking for the latest and greatest) so I got immediately excited to read. But then I glanced up at the subtitle: "So you're toting a few extra pounds and sagging in some places you weren't before. So what? Your body is still secy and incredible. Here's how to believe it!"

The article goes on saying that we shouldn't try to aim for post-baby bodies the likes of Heidi Klum or Victoria Beckham, as that is totally unrealistic for the normal woman. It basically says that after you have a baby, your body changes shape...which I have totally embraced.

What got me going was the fact that this article is basically saying (at least what I got out of it) that it is cool that you are fat after having a baby! Say goodbye to your old body! It actually tells you to go out and buy clothes in bigger sizes...to "embrace your shape" and "appreciate your assets." Oh where do I begin with this!!

When I look at myself in the mirror I am totally disgusted by my body. My boobs, that were always on the saggy side, are now like deflated balloons. My waist, which was always my smallest part of my body, is out of control and actually sticks out further than my boobs. My once plump behind is now out of control - and not in a good way. My "guns" are gone - and my arms now have cellulite? I didn't know that was possible! Every time before I get in the shower I will stand naked, holding my boobs where they should be, sucking in my stomach as much as I can, and popping out a leg to get some definition - and I see this small glimpse of the Mama J that was...

The Mama J that was once 30 pounds (see me at left in 2006, and last month in a wedding in 2010 - gross) lighter than I am now...the Mama J that worked out almost every day...that took much better care of herself...that cared what people thought about her...that actually turned heads in a good way when she went out with her friends and husband. Now, I look like the woman that ate Mama J.

And it is all my fault. It took me so long to get pregnant that I was so scared of losing the baby (also had a blood clot in the beginning of my pregnancy), so I stopped working out, save swimming twice a week if I was lucky, and started eating whatever I wanted. For the past 6 months of my babies life, I have probably worked out 5 times total. But now that is all changing thanks to the kick in the ass from this article.

I don't want to embrace this new body! It is like I am wearing a fat suit!! I can't find clothes that fit me, so I can't go buy new clothing to make me feel sexy! So I need to do something about it, and fast.

I am back to working out (at home with P90X tapes), and back on Weight Watchers points (hoping for the 30 pound loss that I had the first time I did WW). I have started my journey back towards the old Mama J...the fitter, sexier, healthier Mama J.

And why am I telling you all this? Well, I have said that I am going to start this journey probably 10 times in the last 6 months. I strongly feel that me admitting this to you all will actually get my brain and body in gear to put in the effort and work that is necessary to reach my goal.

There is no backing down now..my Mama's are watching!