Flying Blind

Note: I am trying not to swear because my 2yo repeats everything. So I’ve replaced all of the swears in this post with the first innocuous word that comes to mind: fluffernutter. You are welcome.

I think I lost my baby monitor. Fluffernutter.

Let me back up a bit… we have two young kids (2yrs and 4mo) and a bottom-of-the-line video monitor with a camera in each of their rooms. And it seems I am totally addicted. We didn’t have this video system when my oldest was a baby, but we lived in a smaller house made of cardboard that allowed each sound to be perfectly transmitted. We gave up our old school audio-only monitor after about a week because it was totally unnecessary. We tiptoed around, avoiding certain especially squeaky floorboards. We snuck into his room at night to check on him before going to bed.

This last part is what I have totally forgotten how to do.

Are my babies blissfully floating in dreamland? I WOULDN’T KNOW.

I mean, what are they doing in there? Are they asleep? Conducting secret meetings with the illuminati? Building the next group buying website? Sure they seem quiet, but if I can't see them, how can I be sure?

Shut up, all of you parents who raised perfectly healthy non-group-buying-website-building children before video monitors were commonly available.

Unnecessary website building babies are like the E*trade baby, only even more annoying.

Last night I tiptoed into their rooms before I went to bed and you know what I realized? No, not how precious they are while sleeping. That is what I used to think when I could see them on my video monitor. I realized it is fluffernutting dark in their rooms at night. Also, the growing collection of matchbox cars needs to fluffernuttering go. Also that when I step on a fluffernuttered four inch long fire truck and stumble and catch myself on the dresser it disturbs my sleeping toddler enough that I have to flee the room without getting a glimpse of him anyway. Due to the aforementioned darkness.

Fluffernutter you, matchbox cars.

Fluffernutter you, darkness.

The baby monitor charging cord is sitting disconnected and forlorn on my nightstand, reminding me of my negligence in letting my children go unwatched at night.

Fluffernutter you, baby monitor cord.

And the other thing that burns me about this is I just don’t understand what could have happened. I had the monitor during nap, and by bedtime it was gone. WE DID NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE DURING THIS TIME.

Yeah.

We have searched all of the drawers and the laundry baskets and the diaper pail (that was NOT my favorite). I went through the fluffernuttered kitchen cabinets. I did not find the monitor, but apparently we DO have the little brushes you use to clean baby bottle nipples, and they were stored behind the wineglasses.

This discovery does not make me optimistic for my chances to find the monitor.

Oh yeah. Your monitor is totally in here. Come on in and get it, sucker!

I have concluded that someone snuck into my house during the time I was awake with my children and stole my video monitor. What? It seems more likely than flying monkeys or underwear gnomes. Either that or one of the fluffernuttering cats – they have been mad at me since we brought the first baby home. Maybe they are getting tired of peeing on things for revenge.