My wishes for this Wednesday

I wish...

...that I realized I had poop on my finger this morning before walking into my doctor's office. I changed a crazy messy diaper in the back seat of my car, I wiped my hands with a wipe, thinking I was all good, and headed into my Dermatologists office. After standing at the desk, and filling out some paperwork, I realized when I sat down in the waiting room that my nail or my index finger on my right hand was covered in poo. I was horrified and ran to the bathroom to scrub it off, but I know that little woman behind the counter noticed it - she was totally acting weird.

...that I didn't see the poster for forehead botox at aforementioned Dermatologist. They had three photos of the three levels of wrinkles they use it on - and I saw my face looking back at me in photo one. There was a girl with brown eyebrows and green eyes with a giant dent in between her eye brows. Now I have ideas about something else to ask for Christmas. Not that I would do that...would I? No way...maybe?

...that I knew I was going to get a full naked body scan at the Dermatologists. I would have shaved and groomed a little. Thankfully I showered, but still it is always totally embarrassing to have this man look at every inch of your body, and have you lift your boobs and spread your legs (with underwear on, but still). I think I need to get a female dermatologist. And I know I need to get new underwear.

...that cars came with bumpers like bumper cars, a programmable horn and a camera where you could record peoples wrong doings and send them directly to the police so that they are immediately arrested for traffic violations. The programmable horn would allow you to record your voice, instead of a horn, to say things like "Light's Green!" in a friendly voice so that the person in front of you who is texting and not going at the left hand turn signal does not give you a middle finger when you honk at them to go. I would also like it to say "STAY IN YOUR LANE" as well as "YOU MOTHER F)(#*@&#*( ASS B*#$@ C#@)..." You get the picture. And with the bumpers like bumper cars everyone was allowed 5 bumps a month, and no one would get hurt, it would just prove a point that the manuever you just pulled to cut me off would have ended in a pretty nasty crash if I didn't slam on the breaks. Cue the expletive horn.

...that M hadn't pulled out her biggest birthday gift (which is this Sunday) from behind the tree and opened it while I was in the kitchen putting groceries away. All of the sudden I hear "ELMO DANCING! ELMO DANCING! LA LA LA LA! Mommy I'm dancing with Elmo!" and I look in to see her dancing away in front of a half unwrapped Elmo Let's Rock. So now we have one less gift to give her on Sunday, but it was worth it to see her reaction today. After playing with it for five minutes she is over it though. She has a very short attention span like her mother.

...that the underpants gnomes would come out and help me get the house together for a big weekend full of 5 family members staying with us and a party for M's second birthday. I am feeling a little overwhelmed right now with all I have to do. And this year is a small party with just best friends and family! As usual I am going overboard with craft ideas for the party, special drinks, fancy decorations...all for people who wouldn't care if I was unshowered and in sweat pants for the event. Except my mother. She would tell me to clean up and put some "color" on my lips.

Happy Wednesday to you all!