Holy Crap I'm Having Another Kid

They say that the second trimester is the best trimester of pregnancy. The morning sickness has most likely subsided, you aren't nearly as tired as you were in the first few weeks, your body is used to being pregnant by now, your energy levels are up, you aren't as big so that you can't do everything you did in your normal life...blah blah blah. LIES! Lies I tell you...at least that is what I am finding with my second pregnancy.

I am sitting here at almost 21 weeks pregnant and a whole lot of shit is going on - in my brain, in my life, with my body. I am on Amazon.com right now in another tab looking at those gigantic pregnancy pillows that you wrap around your body and between your legs. I laughed at people who used them when I was pregnant with M - those things look ridiculous! Is there room for your husband in bed with you and that giant contraption? Just use a regular pillow - well to the me of 3 years ago I say "shut your piehole you skinny judgmental bitch!" If this is what I need to get a good night's sleep that I am willing to push my husband a few feet more away from me.

I have gone from a person that never got up to pee in the middle of the night, to now getting up at least 5-6 times a night. And of course each time I go to pee, my mind starts racing, so then I can't fall back asleep for a good 20-30 minutes. And my back hurts so bad that it is hard for me to even get close to comfortable - hence the shopping for the preggo pillow. Strap in for a lot more complaining from this Mama in the next few paragraphs! Ha!

And while the all day nausea has definitely subsided, I am not feeling like these are the glory days of this pregnancy. I am ravenous, so eating everything I can get my hands on. I am tired from the aforementioned lack of a goodnight's sleep. I already feel like I am at least 35 weeks pregnant. My belly is huge, and this little lady is sitting so low that I feel like she is pushing on my lower insides (mainly bladder!) I am also already getting that feeling where you feel like you just got kicked in the crotch, like I had late in my first pregnancy. Oh and did I mention I haven't pooped in almost 3 days? Yes I took Colace, but I am still waiting for it to kick in...And then there are the hemorrhoids...isn't pregnancy glorious!!

I loved being pregnant the first time around, but I think the awesomeness of finally getting pregnant totally outweighed any discomfort I had. But now all of the pain and suffering of this pregnancy is front and center in my daily life, because I have a 2 year old to entertain and run after. And this is where the anxiety starts to kick in...

Before this kid comes in August, I have a few things to cross off M's list:
1. Potty Training: we started this last week (aka I purchased 100 potty items) and it was going great, until she fell off the potty and now doesn't want anything to do with it. I plan to have this all done in the next month at the latest. She is totally ready for it, I just need to get my act in gear.
2. Transition to Big Girl Bed/Room: She is totally outgrowing her crib, and I set up a kick ass room for her right down the hall. Just need to pull the trigger on this one too.
3. Starting Pre-K: we have her all set for the fall at a great little pre school down the road from us, but she will be starting a summer program there in July so that she is settled in there before the baby comes in August.

These three things are some of the many things that keep me up at night. My poor baby M will be going through such a transition in the next three months, and then this new baby will come in and rock all of our worlds. I just don't want her to think that she is totally getting replaced by this baby that is taking over Mama's time, her old room, and everyone's attention. I know most moms go through this when having their second child, so I am not totally off base here, am I?

This past week I had a moment of sheer terror when I was making dinner for M. She was running around the house, and I couldn't get her to come in the kitchen to eat...I am trying not to burn her carrots on the stove, while cutting and blowing on her chicken that I just re-heated. The dog is barking like crazy because she wants the chicken. The TV is on too loud. My evening headache is in full force. And then I just look down at my belly and think "how the hell am I going to do all this when I add another kid to the equation?" And after I finally get her fed and clean up the kitchen, and ready for bed, I have to make dinner for my husband and I. Will I be able to do this with two kids?

My husband's busy work schedule is not going to change at all, so I have to get used to the fact that a lot of the parenting of this next little princess will be done by me, like it was with M. I know there are going to be a lot of nights where I want to pull my hair out, and like my friend just said "a lot of nights where there will be someone crying (and very often it will be you)." The fact that I don't have family anywhere near me also makes me filled with anxiety. I see my friends able to have their parents come over in a moments notice, but I don't have that luxury. Will I need to hire someone to help me during the week? Another thought that keeps me up at night.

Don't get me wrong - I am super excited to meet my new daughter. When I feel her move in my belly it is miraculous. M is pretty amazing so I know this kid is going to be amazing too, but the thought of having another member of the family also scares the crap out of me, and my husband. Our family will be complete after we have this little one this summer, so that makes her arrival pretty exciting for all of us of course, but with this little gift comes a serious rocking of our pretty comfortable world.

Did any of you Mama's with two+ kids have these same kind of crazy thoughts? Any advice you could throw my way would be GREATLY appreciated.

Sincerely,

Bonkers in Boston

PS. It didn't help that M said to me this morning "Mama is big and round!" - that will boost any pregnant woman's ego!