The Best Form Of Birth Control: Lunch with kids

You know what the greatest form of birth control ever is? Going to a restaurant and sitting next to a table where there are at least 3 children under the age of 4. If you are worried about your teenagers getting pregnant, take them to a family friendly restaurant, around 11 AM on a weekday, as that is when most moms venture out with their children for lunch because they know it will be less crowded, therefore less people to apologize to when their kids go batshit.

I just returned from lunch with my two girls, and a good friend and her son, who is the same age as M (3.5). I know what you are thinking - the 3.5 year olds went crazy and were loud and spilling stuff, etc.. Oh how you are mistaken. Our 3 year olds were the poster children for kids who lunch. They sat quietly and ate their food (without electronic entertainment), were so polite and patient - so much so that at least two other restaurant employees told us how great they were.

This time the guilty party was Val, my almost 10 month old who played the part of the Tazmanian Devil. She has been teething, and didn't get a sufficient nap before we left, so I knew it would be an interesting lunch. And bad-mommy-me forgot to bring any sort of entertainment for her - the cap to her bottle and plastic tub of puffs only amused her for so long.

Like all kids her age she is grabbing at everything, so you have to keep everything out of her reach. Things I didn't move fast enough that she got in her mouth at lunch: coaster, paper napkin ring (this she ate part of before I was able to get it out of her hand), straw (which she stuck up her nose), sweet potato fry, napkin, knife (not proud of this one).

I was constantly moving plates around and she was fighting to grab them, and whining loudly when she was unsuccessful. She was in and out of the high chair as I was stuffing my face with my lunch. Val screaming with frustration, as she was so tired and cranky.

And then she grabbed a side plate and threw it on the floor, where it shattered in a pieces.

Check please!

I think the very young couple seated next to us (both of them on the same side of a booth - are we doing that now?) was going to think twice about doing it tonight...